Kristin Neff on Why Self-Compassion is Key | Women of Impact

Self-esteem has been a buzzword for what seems like forever, but as a goal or concept it has some big drawbacks. Self-esteem tends to be comparative and fragile, and provides a shaky foundation for healthy growth. So what should we replace self-esteem with? Dr. Kristin Neff, who has researched the subject for years, advocates for a better framework: self-compassion. And on this episode of Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu, Kristin Neff explains what self-compassion is, discusses the difference between self-compassion and self-pity, and asks us to treat ourselves with the same mindful, motivating kindness that we so easily bestow on other people. This episode is brought to you by: Impact Theory University: university.impacttheory.com Better Help: Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com/womenofimpact and use discount code WOMENOFIMPACT BLUblox: Go to blublox.com/woi for 15% off your order or use discount code WOI at checkout. SHOW NOTES:  What’s the difference between self-esteem and self-compassion? [2:20] Self-compassion does lead to self-worth, but that isn’t the end goal [6:05] Self-compassion is not self-pity, self-indulgence, selfishness or complacency [8:48] Why suppressing your pain actually makes it more intense [13:15] Be mindful. Remember that pain is part of life. Then, be kind. [15:36] Lisa and Kristin discuss the balance between compassion for others and the self [19:17] Why are we often harder on ourselves than we are on other people? [21:03] Kristin explains why it works to use compassionate touch on yourself [23:35] We need other people, but it’s not good to wholly rely on other people [27:13] Kristin discusses why it can be effective to talk about yourself in the 2nd person [29:21] Self-criticism comes from the desire to be safe. It’s misdirective care. [32:27] To come up with healthy methods of motivation, think about how you’d motivate a child [35:44] Sometimes kindness has to be a little bit fierce, like a Mama Bear [38:39] Kristin describes how compassion actually feels scary to someone used to abuse [40:06] You already know how to be compassionate. All you have to do is use it on yourself. [42:39]  FOLLOW LISA: Instagram: https://bit.ly/2TIsoKh FOLLOW KRISTIN: WEBSITE: self-compassion.org FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/selfcompassion/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/self_compassion  Are You Ready for EXTRA Impact? Calling all Badasses!! If you really want to level up your confidence game, check out the WOMEN OF IMPACT SUBSCRIPTION, specially designed to turn you into the badass you were born to be!  Women of EXTRA Impact Subscription Benefits: New episodes delivered ad-free Exclusive access to listen to Women of Impact round table discussions, weekly motivation, previously unreleased episodes, and more!  Subscriber-only access to an additional 4 podcasts with hundreds of archived Women of Impact episodes, meticulously curated into themed playlists, and updated weekly. Looking to boost your confidence? Check out the Get Confident playlist.  Want to repair and heal your relationships? Start with Love Lab.  Curious about your health? We’ve got you covered in Health Hub.  And of course, weekly boosts of mini-motivation from Lisa herself that'll have you strutting through life with your head held high on the Badass Boosts playlist  Don't settle for mediocrity when you can be extraordinary! Subscribe on Apple Podcasts: https://apple.co/457ebrP Subscribe on all other platforms (Google Podcasts, Spotify, Castro, Downcast, Overcast, Pocket Casts, Podcast Addict, Podcast Republic, Podkicker, and more) : https://impacttheorynetwork.supercast.com/