She Doesn't Like Me

Kelly McNelis of Women for One speaks with Byron Katie. Kelly uses one of Katie's books, Who Would You Be Without Your Story? to support her community's mission, which is to share our stories in order to move through them rather than become them. Kelly brought along a filled-in Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet with the main concept 'She doesn’t like me.' The situation where she believes this thought is at a restaurant with the woman sitting to her right at a table. Katie guides Kelly through the four questions and the turnarounds, helping her to meditate on that particular moment. Through this meditative process, Kelly notices how she had shut down in the restaurant, cutting herself off from the other woman. She also notices that the other woman appears fearful, angry, and threatened. Finally, she finds examples for two turnarounds: that she doesn't like herself in that moment when she shuts down and that she doesn't like the other woman. Continuing through the Worksheet, Kelly also questions the statement 'I want her to be kind to me.' 'You're expecting her to do what you can't do yourself,' Katie says. Kelly, amazed, says, 'That's big!' Other questioned concepts included 'I'm fat and unattractive' and 'People are starving.' Our Work's not done until we're no longer at war with anyone or anything. —Byron Katie