262: Impacts of High Functioning, Severe Postpartum Anxiety and Depression

My guest today shares her personal story of severe postpartum anxiety and depression while appearing in a high-functioning state to those around her. It is important for us to hear real-life accounts from those who look like “everything is fine.” Join us for a closer look from this unique perspective. Caitlin Shadek is a mom of three boys, ages 3, 6, and 8. She is a lawyer who has practiced as a commercial litigator for the past 14 years, but she recently left her job to attend Rutgers University School of Social Work to obtain her master’s degree in social work. Her desire is to work with women with perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and help bridge the gap in their care between the OB/GYN and the pediatrician. Caitlin felt that lapse in care firsthand when she suffered from severe postpartum depression and anxiety after her first two pregnancies and entered a hospital treatment program when her third son was a toddler. Her own experiences have been the impetus behind her career change and desire to help treat and advocate for better women’s mental health care. She is currently an intern at a practice specializing in infertility and prenatal/postnatal counseling.  Show Highlights: How Caitlin’s story begins about nine years ago with her first pregnancy and the immediate feelings of dread and panic she felt at the moment of birth Why she was afraid to go home from the hospital with her new baby How wearing a catheter for six weeks added to the anxiety she felt about caring for her baby  How dark thoughts plagued her–but she never shared them with anyone and pretended that everything was fine How she began therapy and medication when her son was about nine months old, but the dark thoughts and depression continued Why she wanted a second child–despite the serious issues in her life (including self-harming behaviors) How she felt guilt about continuing her medication while pregnant and experienced postpartum depression AGAIN How Caitlin went back to work and put on her “high-functioning postpartum depression face” How her struggles continued into her pregnancy with her third son, and things felt a little different after his birth How the pandemic threw their family into survival mode with everyone at home together Why Caitlin worked very hard to put on a good face until everything culminated in December 2021–and she knew she was NOT OK How Caitlin’s therapist sent her to the ER during an intense COVID resurgence because of her depression and suicidal thoughts Why Caitlin agreed to go to the psychiatric floor for treatment–and then tried to change her mind How she was released to go home and enrolled in an outpatient DBT program that changed her life How Caitlin decided what her next phase of work would be–to become a social worker and provide other mothers with the help she had needed Why maternal mental health falls between the OB/GYN and pediatrician and is often overlooked What Caitlin would say to someone in a similar situation Resources: Connect with Caitlin: Instagram Visit www.postpartum.net for resources and support!  Visit www.postpartum.net/professionals/certificate-trainings/ for information on the grief course.   Visit my website, www.wellmindperinatal.com, for more information, resources, and courses you can take today!